Fanylion Mountain Bike Team
Official site of the Fanylion Mountain Bike Team. Includes mountain bike ride guides, gear reviews, bike maintenance, team reports and rider profiles of the Fanylion Racing Team.
Kirroughtree/Dalbeattie/Mabie
October 09, 2004, Scotland
Late night out of London and on the motorway to Leeds contemplating driving over a thousand miles for around fifty miles of riding. Still best not to think about these things too much or Shortbread and I would never come on Team rides.
Arrive in Leeds and after a quick beer its off to bed in preparation for the big drive to Scotland in the morning. Steve has declared a 4.40am start to ensure breakfast prior to getting on the road at 5.00am. “THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE FUN!” my inner monologue. I suppress the urge to chin Steve and go to bed only to find a neatly stacked pile of MBR magazines in the spare room (in date order!!!) next to the bed. (The boy has dedication/insanity).
5am comes round and I’m still in bed. The sane side of me says go back to sleep, however the twat in me realises that Steve has overslept and that Rory will shortly be getting up ready for our arrival. I lay there for a further fifteen minutes trying to will my body out of bed. Finally up, Steve rouses his body with a look of pure disgust on his face (at this rate he will be joining the Oldham Posse of Faff).
Driving like lunatics we collect Rory at 6.30am and break for the border. After a blinding dawn across the border we buy porn and meet with the boys in Tescos just after 8.30am. John Henry arrives and glances are shared as five brains try to pick up the slightest hint of a word we can understand. After ten minutes of confusion we jump in the cars and hope that he is leading us to the trails and not some crack den which are apparently next door to the supermarket.
Arriving at Kirroughtree bikes are broken out and we realise that the mighty Team Fanylion has been outgunned; from nowhere ten other riders saddle up and we become the guests on a locals’ ride. (All those who bailed at the last, including Sam, hang your heads in shame). Not wanting to let ourselves down Fanylion take to the front for the initial climb, only to realise that half the lads we are with are on single speed bikes! (Show-offs, idiots or good riders? You decide).
Unfortunately due to our inflated and unknown group size we loose Starkey a mile out of the car park and after a return by John with no luck in locating the great man we crack on. With two rides to complete in a day there is no time to loose.
After an hour or so of whooping sweating and gurning we arrive at Kirroughtree’s centre piece, McMoab, a monstrous piece of granite marked by painted arrows that will have you whistling the theme tune to Kick Start in no time.
It was at this point in the weekend that our Team leader’s bollocks suddenly departed him. John had warned us about a drop in at the end of the traverse that was as our man Hansley once said "Definitely doable!" By the time myself and Steve reached this wee beasty Dan was tearing along the narrow ridge at the top and then turning 90 degrees into the steep shoot and flying across the fire road at the bottom.
Whilst not as technical as the tracks we were riding every day in Spain there was something very disconcerting about the sharp turn into the shoot. Steve and I rode up and bottled it but stayed on top, convinced it was ‘doable’. As we sat on the ridge looking down at the chute the pressure to ride it was increased by the fact that the group of lads we were riding with (some of whom turned out to be the 7 Stanes trail builders) had massed at the bottom to eat their lunch and laugh at the new boys.
After much muttering and three failed attempts at riding the drop, Steve bailed out and walked down the safe path to the bottom. This was a dark moment for the Team. Shortbread and Eco Panzer had taken the challenge and were laughing at the bottom however I still had to complete so I could join the Cleared It gang, after one more bail out at the top I was in and down within a millisecond, tearing across the fire road and high-fiving Eco Panzer. However to be sure I wasn’t a complete girl and just to rub Steve’s face in it, it was back round one more time to do it again!
The rest of the trails at Kirry were a mixture of smooth singletrack with fast swoopy berms, interspersed with steep rock drops and unexpected rock steps and jumps. Bloody good fun if you ask me.
We completed the 18mile loop and came back to the cars to find Starkey in hibernation mode. Unfortunately there was no time to hang around and much to the other groups’ amazement (most of whom had declared they were knackered) we packed up and headed off to Dalbeattie to take on The Slab. Would Steve find his bollocks there?!?!?!?!?
John Henry (having worked a night shift the day before and hadn’t been to bed yet) bade us farewell for the day, so now it was just the FanyLion riders. We headed up the trails with the days getting shorter we were not going to be able to hang around. For me it was the first time at Dalbeattie and the famous Slab was about to be tackled.
After cracking through the trails we eventually come across The Slab and it’s qualifier and it was here that the weekend began to take a strange twist. After Steve’s humiliation in the morning he was keen to make amends by one-upping us all on The Slab. Putting on his Death mask (with mullet) he proceeded to tear-arse down The Slab virtually blind, to the cheers of the Lads down below. This was impressive, however his balls were not back yet, the Dark Side was still to come.
Starkey, after much blowing of cheeks, took on the lower section of The Slab with ease proving in one fell swoop that he can and in future will take on those tricky sections (and no, you don’t need a psychiatrist!) A magnificent crash was also executed by the great man away from the rest of us, however judging by the blood on his knees it must have been a good ‘un.
The Son and Daughter of Slab were taken in our stride and we were soon back to the car park where Steve continued his quest for some bollocks by hucking off a stone wall about 3 feet high. Unfortunately his nuts were nowhere to be found in Dalbeattie and he would have to endure a torrid night of mask wearing and abuse from the boys.
Would the Dark Side Save him?
Arriving at Mabie on Sunday after a night of good food and ale the Team are soon kitted up and ready for the all the glory that the Dark Side can bring. We decide to take on the red route first which has now had a few Dark Side type North Shore additions thrown in as a teaser for the main event later on. After an excellent two hours the team are ready for the North Shore, so Big John Henry took us down to the qualifier and after collectively shitting ourselves Eco Panzer takes on the ten foot high section and after clearing all but the final drop off bails out and takes a fall.
Deciding to crack on to the main event we weave through a steep wooded section and whilst I managed to clear it, the sound of bail outs and crashes follows me down to the fire road below. After regrouping and realising that Shortbread had masked up for the occasion in his newly acquired Skeletor mask, we realise that Steve taken a big one over the bars and torn his saddle apart. This was not going to make the North shore any easier for him but we follow the trail up and soon came across the start and its warning sign.
After clearing the opening three inch wide 3m long piece of timber across a stream to gain access to the Dark Side myself, Eco, Shortbread and Death rode, bailed out, crashed and pushed our way across 2km of the most demanding riding we have ever done. Whilst Sheldon and John came from the rear (to take photos and offer guidance - cheeky bastards).
Coming across a drop off at the end of the trail we are all full of adrenaline and ready to go. Steve is on a one-man mission for some bollocks and after stealing my saddle rode back and fourth clearing the drop, both as himself and his alter ego, Death.
Knowing that there was only the Gap Jump to come we rode on and I for one was not looking forward to it. At least two, if not three passing groups of riders (one group made up mostly of females) stopped to watch us as we checked out the wooden ramps. Steve was primed and ready, and after a minimum of fuss stuck on his body armour and took flight. With a massive clearance his balls were almost back where they belong (you will have to return to McMoab to complete the deal Hodgson). As soon as Steve landed Eco Panzer was up there and the film would say he did the largest jump. Feeling the pressure growing myself and Shortbread knew we had to do it and after stealing my seat back we both took it on and cleared the jump (for me, only just). Shortbread nailed it and we all rode off knowing the boundaries had officially been pushed.
After perhaps the best riding weekend ever the bikes were soon packed up and I was on the road. 6hrs50mins from Dumfries to Bethnal Green and I was home knackered but buzzing. Despite there only being five riders we had enjoyed some of the best riding ever. We had conquered McMoab (not you Hodgson, you eunuch), laid waste to The Slab and his children, received a good kicking from the Dark Side but pushed the boundaries with our stupendous Gap Jump clearance. Team FanyLion continue to improve and ride better, faster and harder.
And as for all this driving, it’s well worthwhile: see you in Wales next month.
10 Ton Kona, out.
Riders present
Team 10 Ton Kona
Team Eco Panzer
Team Starkey (aka The Pumpkin)
Team Steve (aka Death)
Team Shortbread (aka Skeletor)
Enjoyment level
Envelope Pushing