Fanylion Mountain Bike Team
Official site of the Fanylion Mountain Bike Team. Includes mountain bike ride guides, gear reviews, bike maintenance, team reports and rider profiles of the Fanylion Racing Team.
Skiddaw and Borrowdale Bash
July 15, 2006, The Lake District
Pure Faff ™
After a good couple of days biking in the Highlands of Scotland I endure a “Friday” vehicle crammed A66 to York to stay at the blonde mop of Team Shack’s for an early (ish) Saturday start but once again, and in true FanyLion fashion; we hit York for beer, cocktails and a curry (but not in that order). After the curry and a mad concoction of a cocktail with Shack’s mate Tim, we head home, I awake at six ish with a bad head, and a mouth like a monkey had shat in it. Shack feels the same so in the blistering Spain like 8 am sunshine and with text abuse filtering in from Hodgson (yes he is riding!) we set off to Keswick-stan. Jageshemash, It is nice, my country, chenque, we have no women, can I touch.
9:30 and Hodgson verbally informs us he is already there with Auld Yin eating breakfast whilst Shortbread and (Team 3 Stooges) Dave, Andy and Kieran are still in Carlise hung-over after a pure night of mayhem with Dave entertaining a lady and Shortbread trying to release an “Angry Cat” from his arse…. I thought this is going to be a long day. And it was.
With the small hand at 11 and the big hand somewhere past that , and Faff ™ in full effect we still hadn’t actually managed to get out of the Denton House Hostel car park but eventually with the temperature rising we set off and ride out past the local swimming baths skirting the beautiful river Greta with a relaxed pace all round. Eventually the road points upwards, Hodgson gleaming at me next to him and Shortbread upfront we are soon traversing Blencartha Valley, a rocky, dusty, beautiful, fast, double track leads us to Skidaw House where we take a breather and dive right across the River Claldew before descending to Peter House Farm where Dave has to fix a puncture. Whilst we wait, Death appears after not being seen since the October 04 ride, mounts his bike, scares some walkers, proceeds back up the climb, down and then disappears until Halloween.
Once again we are off and tarmac takes over for a while which gives us a close encounter with a Renault Clio driven erratically but soon we are back off-road at Longlands taking a grassy, energy sapping, ascent before landing back down into Howburn. In true boyish/FanyLion behavior, Hog tries to squirt water over Shack and with great pleasure to the rest of us Shack cuts him off and over the bars, he goes. Hog looks in agony but all we can see is the funny side. RspkT!
With only 17 miles on the clock and with lack of water we head to the nearest farm (which is deserted). We then frequent a small old ladies out house to fill our camel backs and once again we are back on the trail taking in a stiff, grassy, climb behind Fell Side farm which takes us to the old mine road on Caldbeck Fells where from here, the views across the Solway were fantastic to say the least. Soon we are descending on a cracking, dusty descent to Nether Row, with Auld Yin’s crud guard dieing in the process.
Dropping down into Hesket Newmarket we fuel up on trail fodder, take 5 and I get harassed by a group of middle-aged women on shoppers wanting to put suntan lotion on me. Hodgson then (due to lack of time and wanting to get back to see his baby girl) rips the 16.5 road miles back to Keswick-stan and we press on via tarmac to Mosedale along Carrcok Fell admiring it’s “tarmac eating” wild ponies.
Mosedale sees us turn right up the valley, which started out as a tarmac surfaced. At the end of the valley the road becomes a dirt/4x4 track and then dwindles into a rocky, bolder riddled, singletrack where Shortbread’s rear mech hanger decides to part company with the rest of his bike. After a go at trying to single-speed his GT he decides for a “flintstones style” paddle & freewheel.
With the sun dipping down on a magnificent day, we are back at Skidaw House and traversing along Lonsacle Fell giving us magnificent views across the valley to Derwent Water and beyond. Dropping down to Whit Beck (where I puncture) and then up and around Mallen Dodd we hit a dusty bermed bracken laden chute that has walkers diving (kindly moving should I say) out of the way and we land in Keswick-stan with huge grins and cooked brakes truly rounds of an awesome day’s riding.
After approx 6 odd hours in the saddle, 38 miles ridden, temperatures somewhere in the 80s, 4000 calories burnt in total, sore legs, sore arses, tan lines, Spain like trails, helmet hair and Shortbread wrecking bike no 2; we quickly SSS at the Denton House Hotel (full of kids at this point laughing at our farts) we roam in to Keswick-stan for Steak and Chips ™ and a drink. Now, of all the places for a single bloke to be living in, Keswick-stan is not the place to be, ok you may have the best riding in the world on your doorstep but there are very, very, very few “nice” females about. If any of our readers agree, get in touch! So with full stomachs and tired bodies we head back to the Hostel for a brew and bed (in the hot dorm).
More Faff ™ (Sunday)
With the temperature rising in the flatulence-polluted dorm we all rise (8:30) to a very poor breakfast of watery scrambled egg, cremated sausages, baked beans and a hash brown served up military style. Shortbread needs a bike so we saunter off into Keswick-stan for trail food and a bike. Keswick-stan Bikes serves up a 17 quid Spesh Hardrock for Shortbread and Andy requires a front tyre for his Nomad so as per Saturday and with Faff in full effect, we eventually start riding nearer 12 o’clock (ish).
The B5289 out of Keswick-stan leads us round the “beautiful sun drenched inviting Derwent Water” and then points skywards as the 25% road climb to Watendlath Fell really does split the pack. Shortbread up front and me at the back; we make steady progress. Kieran’s legs at this point must have been cooking in armour he had on but in hindsight, they would come in later. I soon loose sight of the pack and continue on past the rest of the Team who are sat out of sight eating/drinking/taking the piss so Auld Yin has to come and get me from continuing on up the climb.
The decent to Stonethwaite Beck was a jagged rock strew fest that needed balls of steal and body armour to navigate it properly. We all drop down and take some pics crossing the beck and then hack right up onto the Cumbrian Way with Shortbread (Marco Pantanni) nearly clearing the climb. The undulating terrain of the Cumbrain Way is tough to say the least with tight dusty single-track intermingled with some serious rock gardens that caught me out in and a “stack over the bars incident” which was incidentally caught on camera by Auld Yin. Shortbread and Kieran clearing it on their hardtails
After a front puncture for Andy we are soon back on the trail of rocky delights back down to a small road and then turning left (with the sun beating down) we hit Cat Bells crag to our left and Derwent Water to our right we make fast progress through the single-track bracken kicking up dust intermingled with a few walkers; we are soon back in Keswick-stan and to home.
Once again the FanyLion MTB Team had ridden hard, wrecked bikes in the process, eaten steak, got bitten by insects, got sun burnt, drank beer, amused kids by farting, improved our fitness, and had a good laugh in the process….but that what Mountain Biking is all about isn’t it?
Jagshemash (until next time).
Team Starkey.
OUT.
Riders present
Auld Yin
Shack
Starkey
Hog (Sat only)
Shortbread
Dave, Kieran and Andy (Team 3 Stooges, names no yet allocated)
Enjoyment level
Eth, eth, eth, eth, eth, eth, eth, eth, eth, Scorchio!