Fanylion Mountain Bike Team
Official site of the Fanylion Mountain Bike Team. Includes mountain bike ride guides, gear reviews, bike maintenance, team reports and rider profiles of the Fanylion Racing Team.
The Lake District
May 12, 2007, England
I’m not sure what it was that kept me awake on Friday night. Was it the fact that I’d just worked a full week for the first time in two years since ending my studies? Perhaps it was my drunken neighbours returning home noisily in the early hours? Excess consumption of High 5? Although these factors contributed the main reason was surely the fact that the next day I would travel to the Lake District and rage steep rocky trails, drink beer, chase sheep and eat steak - the consequent excitement prevented any proper sleep!
Saturday morning arrived and due to a miscalculation of journey time I had to drive with the foot a little too firmly pressed on the accelerator for my liking in order to make the pre-arranged time at Ulpha. Saturday’s ride took place in the south-western Lakes, a little explored area in comparison to other parts of this fine mountain bike region.
We all met up roughly on time and were joined by a friend of Quad’s, Ian. As we were lubing ourselves and our bikes the weather took a turn for the worse and began hammering with rain. We glumly retired to our cars to sulk after putting on additional layers and filling our over-laden packs with spare clothing. It was one of those annoying British late spring/early summer days where you’re never sure what to wear and how much to take. Personally a opted for lycra three quarter length tights, a raceface jacket and sealskinz socks. Imagine my dismay when Twin Pin appeared wearing an identical outfit! The comparison ended there though, for where Ross is short, portly and bald, I am tall, slim and hairy. And not very modest! Techno was clad entirely in wool, keen as usual to keep things as natural and organic as possible. Ian’s rucksack was massive and we concluded that it either held a full picnic set including a teapot and rug or perhaps a small child. Disappointingly it actually turned out to be a gigantic camera! Thankfully the rain eased and after the obligatory team photo we were off.
As per usual the ride began at a frenetic pace, with the Fanylion peleton ignoring every piece of sport science advice regarding warming up slowly. Kieran and I pootled along at the back believing it to be a combination of excitement and willy waving. Needless to say the pace soon dropped when we reached a junction with a 25% road climb. Quickly deciding it was far too steep to possibly be on the route we ignored it and rode on for a mile before realising that we did actually have to climb it and turned back. Map faff!!! We soon spread out on the climb and ticked off some easy road miles before the first off road section began. It comprised double track to a small tarn and then some boggy singletrack alongside it. Several comedy moments ensued with front wheels being swallowed by nasty trolls residing just below the muddy, peaty puddles. In most parts the trails was excellent as it crossed Birkby Fell - nice and narrow and twisty with some nice little climbs and flowing downhill sections. Stopping for a breather and some scran we looked out to sea and identified what we eventually agreed was the Isle of Man. A short descent saw us startle a mean looking bull protecting two of his women. He looked none to please at being confronted by a pack of lions so we beat a hasty retreat, leaving him to lie in the sun with his women and ponder what he would do to the next posse of mountain bikers rude enough to disturb him. The ride continued on a mixture of fireroads, tarmac and forest singletrack and even a golf course! The weather was by now very pleasant and layers were removed quickly as we made our way merrily up Miterdale. The riding became tougher and rockier and upon reaching the end of a forest we were faced with a grassy wall with the trail heading directly up it. I reached it first and found a decent rock to lean against in order to get under way and managed to ride most of it. I was followed by Quad and Techno despite them believing that it wasn’t rideable – anything is rideable guys!!
We topped out on a windswept moor with more grassy singletrack leading us to an ancient megalithic stonecircle. Techno got very excited and began to gather shrubs in order to perform an ancient ritual before explaining the significance of the circle. Something to do with pregnant women and the shape of the nearby hills he claimed. We were sceptical and Starkey showed his lack of rspkt to Techno’s mushroom god by peeing on one of the stones, like a feral mongrel marking his territory. After the stone circle we took a wrong turn (which we didn’t realise at the time) and ended up on a footpath that turned out to be a quite stonking descent!! It began on grass and include a very steep rocky section down towards Blea Tarn – as we were riding on moist grass it proved very hard to slow down through lack of grip and I hit the rock garden a bit quick. Fortunately I managed to move my considerable weight back enough and bounced down through luck rather than judgement. Cycling on singletrack alongside the tarn I was joined by Twin Pin who took the lead for the next section. And what a section!!! The trail quickly steepened and while it was still predominantly grassy we were now confronted with loads of tight switchbacks. Again, braking in time for them was tricky and hard to judge due to the lack of grip and the occasional rocky section. Twin Pin overcooked one corner and went flying – he looked ok though so I sped past on nailed the rest of the descent. I reached the bottom and was joined by Quad and Twin Pin, grinning like cats that had got the cream. We looked up to see a figure at the top waving and thinking that we had maybe gone the wrong way decided that there was no way we were pushing up what we had just gone down! We beckoned the others down and regrouped at the bottom. A quick check of the map showed where we were and we were soon back on the main route. What a detour!!
We stopped at a station tearoom next to a miniature railway for some scran and received a ticking off from an elderly man dressed in a jester’s outfit for riding on the platform! I’m not sure who looked stranger – us covered in mud, peat, lycra and sheep poo, or him in his zany outfit. Refuelled we began the road section to the bottom of Hardknott Pass, reputedly the toughest road climb in England. Mindful that the leader of the road faction was competing in the notorious Fred Whitton Challenge the next day Starkey and Techno scrawled encouraging and abusive messages into the tarmac hoping it would give our shaven ex-leader the encouragement he needed to ride the pass.
Luckily for us we were doing proper riding and turned off and followed a steep rocky bridleway up the side of Harter Fell. It was superb uphill riding – really hard due to the steep gradient and the loose, rocky surface. We rode what we could while others thought better of it and carried their bikes skywards. Eventually the trail flattened and began to descend, on a narrow, wet singletrack with loads of big rocks. It was very tricky to ride, slightly downhill, but bloody hard work. Twin Pin’s freehub was performing intermittently meaning he had to resort to running some sections – not an easy feat in SPD’s! The trail steepened dramatically and was characterised by massive roots and rocks – definietely not doable! It ended by a small river and after checking the map we realised we had taken a wrong turn somewhere. Nevertheless, the solution looked fairly straightforward, a mile or so of bridleway towards Seathwaite following the river.
It proved anything but!! The trail was not rideable at all and it climbed steeply, descended, climbed, descended etc and was really hard work carrying our heavy bikes and legs. Just when we though it couldn’t get any worse, it did, as we crossed a massive boulder field with rocks the size of cars. And then it got worse as we were faced with what was basically a gorge to haul our bikes through!! This was surely payback for Starkey peeing on Techno’s stone circle! The excitement was all too much for Auld Yin who suffered some nasty cramps which resulted in him spreadeagled on the rocks, as helpless as a newborn lamb. You chose the route mate……
Eventually we reached the road again and faced with 2 miles back to the cars the pace increased. We were led out by ‘Boonen’ Starkey who failed to last the pace. Quad and Techno also attacked too early leaving me to claim the winning position in front of three bemused looking sheep, a couple of crows and a ferret. Oh, the glory! Back at the cars we shovelled food and water down our throats and bade farewell to Ian and Kieran Cove. Kieran was riding the Penrith Merida event the next day – I’m not sure many of the other competitors warmed up for it with an 8 hour epic!
We regrouped at the camping barn in Kentmere and were treated to sublime evening views of the Garburn Pass and the surrounding fells. The barn proved to be far more palatial than I’d considered – I’ve lived in grottier student flats – and we quickly got showered and changed. The barn was soon full of noxious Fanylion body odours with some startling noises being emitted from each other’s bottoms. Indeed Kentmere’s carbon footprint was probably trebled during the course of out flatulent stay! Twin Pin pulled apart his rear hub pronouncing it dead. Luckily for him Wheelbase in nearby Stavely were able to provide him with a hire wheel the next day.
By the time we were ready for food it was 9.15pm, late even by Fanylion standards and so we drove to Windermere for a curry. Twin Pin assumed it was a race with a frankly stupid overtaking manoeuvre befitting the driver of a BMW and caused more faff than necessary with Auld Yin and myself trying to find the curry house with our belly’s growing ever hungrier! Once curry-house-location-faff had been resolved we stuffed ourselves full to bursting and retired back to the barn after a pint in the pub next door. I was shattered and despite the rumbling noises due to curry emission fell asleep very quickly.
Sunday dawned and Techno provided us with a rare feast for breakfast – this man has hidden talents!! The curry the night before seemed to have contributed the fart account increasing in barrage, force and velocity and windows were opened and masks fitted to compensate. Once Twin Pin had hired a wheel we were joined by Doug and Dan, riders that Starley and Techno had met on the recent Atlas Mountains recce. As soon as we were out the gate Twin Pin’s chain snapped resulting in more faff. The pace was easy though as we wound our way up Green Quarter Fell, legs initially feeling Saturday’s excursions. As the weather looked reasonable we had decided to ride Gatesgarth and Nan Bield Pass, a ride Techno and myself had ridden before. The beauty of our location meant the ride began right from the barn – no wacky races! A good descent down Cocklaw Fell to Sadgill then followed which got very rocky near the bottom. Unfortunately it was compromised somewhat by numerous gates and I punctured near the bottom as well. A quick repair ensued before we began to head up the Gatesgarth Pass. A few of us knew the climb and had attempted it before. Weary legged from the epic the day before there were no foolish boasts of cleaning the beast - we knew it was a toughie and set to work without doing anything that expended unnecessary energy, such as talking.
The climb began easily enough on a wide double tracked with a well packed down rocky surface. After a while though the gradient steepened and steepened until we were forced to engage our granny rings and plod upwards. The trail also deteriorated with some tricky loose sections. On the whole though the trail surface was good and was characterised by sections of slabby laid rock, like supersized cobbles. They were ok to ride though and the elite climbing faction seemed to be making steady progress. Eventually though, a combination of the steep gradient and a loose rocky section saw me and Techno and Quad spin out. Undeterred we ploughed on and reached the gate at the halfway point having ridden all but 20 yards of the climb. Definitely doable we agreed.
As the peleton regrouped and scoffed at various items of fodder hungrily grabbed from our camelbaks the sky darkened and the wind began to pick up. On we climbed, enjoying the flat section after the gate before the really steep climb to the top. Previous experience told me that this section would be easier to ride than the first half – although it was probably steeper in places, the trail surface should be more conducive to maintaining grip. Or so I thought! Greeted with by the trail switchbacking up the hillside my heart sank. ‘It wasn’t that steep a year ago’ I thought. Mentally I’d failed it before I’d even began! Up ahead Techno and Quad powered on with Sam making it round what looked like a near impossible corner. ‘Damn, now I’m gonna have to do it’ I muttered. Alas I drifted to far to the inside and span out – and began making excuses…worn rear tyre, high front end, too much wind, poor quality trail etc (nothing to do with me of course!) but the stark fact of the matter was that Techno had nailed it and I hadn’t!! Rspkt Sam! I got back on and rode most of the remainder of the climb eventually catching Techno who had failed 50 yards from the top! He was gutted, although had climbed like a chimpanzee high on Irn Bru 32* to get as far as he did.
At the top it quickly became chilly and thoughts turned to the descent. ‘What’s it like?’ someone wondered. I replied that there were loads of switchbacks but that it wasn’t that rough. Auld Yin raised an experienced eyebrow.....! We set off with Ross heading off first as usual, followed by Quad and then myself. Doug had gone ahead to open the gate which I thought was halfway down to allow us a clean run at the descent. What a noble gesture!! (Doug – you’re welcome to join us and open every gate on every ride if you like. Ta!). Instantly I was nearly shaken off the bike by the big boulders that characterised the trail, carrying too much speed into the tight bends and overcooking the brakes. This wasn’t the trail I remembered, there was no way it was this rough last year! ‘Let the bike do the work’ I tried to tell myself. It didn’t really work though so I employed a bulldozer technique instead – weight back and hang on! I made ground on the front runners noticing that Quad was being delayed by Twin Pin. On a particularly tight section of trail I made my move on Quad cutting him up on the inside of a switchback. Running wide on the exit he noticed my move and we were soon side by side grunting and growling like two roaring lions chasing their prey which in this instance was a defenceless antelope, Twin Pin. Neither of us gave an inch and we actually locked arms at one stage before I pushed Quad perilously close to the edge of the trail and down the mountain before squeezing past on the next switchback. With Twin Pin in my sights I eased off the brakes a bit and got passed him soon enough. With the trail unobstructed in front of me I let go and battered myself down. The trail refused to relent, switchback after switchback were negotiated and the boulders remained big, bad and brutal. ‘Where the hell is the gate?’ I thought as the arm pump grew greater and greater. A naughty little voice appeared in my head imploring me to stop and rest my aching arms. Common sense intervened though and I grimly held on until I noticed Doug a few switchbacks below me approaching the gate which turned out to be 7/8 of the way down rather than halfway down as I’d thought! After the gate the trail was smoother to the finish and I was nearly caught by a raging Quad. He reported that the trail took him a while to get to grips with…any excuse!
The real hard work then began – the 1000ft carry to the top of Nan Bield. The bottom section was ridable but soon we were laden like Nepalese sherpas but climbing like Japanese sumo wrestlers as we headed skywards. To add insult to injury it began to rain and by the time we hit the top it was pelting it down. Perhaps the result of three currys in little over 24 hours or nervousness about the upcoming descent Techno scampered off and emptied his bowels behind a pile of rocks. Thankfully he was downwind at the time.
We began the descent which I’d warned the team about – it was steep and tight, far slower than Gatesgarth with the soaking rock making it far more treacherous. The rocky nature of the trail made riding it somewhat of a dilemma – more speed got you over and down steppy rocky bits but too much speed meant the switchbacks became harder. In front of me Quad and Techno pulled away while I got stuck behind Twin Pin and when he bailed I was forced to put a foot down as well. Once I’d lost the rhythm of the trail I found it really hard to get going again and made a right hash of the rest of the tricky stuff. There was one steep chute near the bottom of the top section and with Techno and Quad stood by it hollering advice and lines at me I attempted it. If anything I got too far over the back of the bike and failed in the final couple of yards – grrrrrrr.
We were pretty soaked and so Techno Quad and myself cracked on, keen to get back to the warmth of the cars. Although not as steep the trail was no less fun and featured miles of singletrack interspersed with puddles and big rocks. Near the end Techno and I rounded a corner to see Quad hitting the deck face down. It looked bad but luckily he got up grinning – his pearly whites were inches from smashing into a big rock. Bearing his recent broken leg and bruised arse I hereby rename him Team Bloody Liability!
Back at the cars we quickly regrouped and headed off to Wilfs Café in Stavely for some much needed sustenance. Reflecting on the weekend it was clear that the Lakes had delivered once more – superb natural trails, technical challenges up and down, decent-ish weather (considering the forecast) and a superb camping barn. The only thing lacking was steak – hmmmm, steak curry, would it work???
Shortbread
*Irn Bru 32 is their take on Red Bull. It has 32 parts caffeine per 100ml…and has the potential to wake the dead. I’ll bring some to the next ride!
Riders present
Techno
Starkey
Quad
Auldyin
Twin Pin
Shortbread
Cove
Ian
Doug
Dan
Enjoyment level
Chooo Chooo!