Fanylion Mountain Bike Team
Official site of the Fanylion Mountain Bike Team. Includes mountain bike ride guides, gear reviews, bike maintenance, team reports and rider profiles of the Fanylion Racing Team.
Strathpuffer 24hr
January 18, 2008, Scotland
Idiot.
Re-wind back to the 14th September and picture this; I have just climbed the most iconic mountain in the world of cycling. The Alpe D Huez, looking beautiful in the September sunshine needs no introduction in this report but it does need to be documented as it is where I turned my phone on to tell all of my excitement and within a split second, a message from TTK (Ten Ton Kona) had arrived. The message went along the lines of; you and me are doing the Strathpuffer 24 hr race in Jan. Without hesitation (and probably due to being on some sort of high) I used the universal Fany acknowlement of RspKT, which on this occasion meant; Yes I will do a 24 hr race in the depths of winter with 17 hours of darkness, mud, cold, ice and snow thrown in. Returning back to England and coming down I eventually wake up and realise what an idiot I must been to say yes to such an event. Ah well, bring it on I thought.
The only real preparation for the next four months was to hire a motor home and do some riding in between. Ok, so the latter was the hardest but the week before the 19th of Jan Shortbread had located a Fanywagon to shelter us all in but one by one riders bailed and TTK came up with the excuse of a football injury (which was actually true!) leaving me to go solo and Shortbread and Techno in their original team. The standard drive over and have a curry happened on Thursday 17th with Shortbread, including feeling food pissed ™ and so to bed. No salty porridge in the morning though. Just bran flakes and gallons of tea.
Like a scene from Max and Paddy, myself and Shortbread collect the Fanywaggon and head slowly north to Inverness airport to pick up Techno and TTK and cook up some grub. Sam and TTK arrive on time with a fine bottle of Bowmore Mariner 15 year old in tow and we all pile in the Fanywaggon to Strathpeffer. On arriving in the village, we navigate the Fanywaggon down a small track and come to a halt. Suddenly there is a knock on my window from a wet, wind-blown man. Didn’t you see me flash? Eh. (We all thought) I am the organiser* of the event – I will go then shall I? Woooooahhhh…what a * we all thought. FFS we have driven half a day to get to you’re so called event so what is with the attitude (we all thought). We proclaimed we hadn’t seen him “flash” and then he tells us the site is closed until the morning due to the devastation of the day’s hurricane and; can we make our way to the campsite in the village. Fair enough mate it is 10:30 but less attitude next time ok!
Parking up and with Laurent Garnier thumping from the stereo, very large measures of Bowmore came out followed by various tails of bike bling, flatulence, dance moves, bikes, girls, music, whisky, rave moves and err…bikes. Team Techno donned his elf hat and pulled from his bag an amazing crisp, clean pair of white long johns. Moreover, put them on much to our amusement. I can’t actually remember what time we went to bed but 7am soon arrived and we awake with stinking hangovers. Driving to the site the Peffer rain and wind battered the Fanywaggon and all looked gloomy from inside until we had a bit of fun getting towed onto the site that resembled a ploughed field and then, hangover part two kicked in. God I felt rough but luckily, the race was delayed until 11am giving us well-needed FaFF time. Unpacking bikes and in my case, installing a new gear cable, is not good when it’s cold but eventually myself and the Bread head to the start.
Carnage.
As myself and Shortbread walk idly and lazily to the Le Mans style start a cry of 3, 2, 1 is all we hear followed by a mass of riders surging our way so we turn and leg it. As I grabbed my bike, I tried in vain get on but rider upon rider either got in the way or moved my bike to get on theirs. Again, I tried to get on so I ran, and ran, and ran and then eventually got on, but as the initial climb was covered in thick ice, I was soon off pushing. Bugger!
As the race unfolded before me rider upon rider hit the deck. It was completely unrideable and some had taken a nasty falls whilst others just laughed and got back on their bikes. My mind wandered as I thought this is going to be an insane 24 hrs if the conditions don’t change. It was now 11am and with not a hint of sun in sight, I was praying to the weather gods I can tell you! Trying to avoid falling riders and trying to stay on rather than enjoy the race was the main objective. I picked obscure lines through heather, through bushes, over rocks, over bracken, over fallen riders just to avoid total embarrassment. I didn’t want to be sliding around the ice like an Otter nor did I want to endure a visit to A&E. The first half of the course was pretty-standard forest double-track and fire-road thick with sheet ice but the second half from the top of the climb was ok. Good rock sections that resemblemed 7 Stanes trail centres and with bit of north shore thrown in was dam good and would be even better in Summer. Oh the joys of summer. The latter of the course, a single-track climb, followed by a grassy decent back to the start point was good but the time I clocked was poor, dam poor but I put this down to the conditions and the mother of all hangovers so a quick return to the Fanywaggon was needed. TTK (the Team bit*h!) brewed up and Shortbread went on a double lap after his flier of a first. After a visit from Shortbreads, parents (who we welcomed immensely due to home made chocolate brownies). I set of for lap 2 with Techno. By now the course was getting better, gritty brown lines appeared like skidders on Tecnhos pristine white long johns so progress was good. Techno disappeared (as normal) but the famous puffer mud started to appear but still sections were tricky even though the time was pushing on for 4 pm.
Darkness.
Normally night riding is good, the trail pixies have been at work at dusk and all seams different. Sections feel different, that rock, that decent feels and looks different, better, faster but when it’s cold and muddy outside of a warm motor home, the enthusiasm soon disappears to get out there and thoughts wander to hot food, warm sleeping bags, gallons of tea and more whisky. However, as 8 pm comes round Dirty Sanchez Shortbread returns after a lap to the motor home.
A quick fiddle with my Light and Motion front light (dead easy to put on ya know)I set off on a double-lap with Techno on a single lap and Team Bit*h cooking up some grub and reading/looking at pictures in Nuts magazine.
About a quarter of the way round I find Techno fiddling with his lights so we ride together for a while and I soon notice the lack of riders on the course. I bet they are all in their motor homes eating curry. Nah, they have probably done triple the laps we have done and packed up and gone home. By now the course was muddy with the legendary puffer mud disintegrating your drive train in the process but all sections were rideable. One guy on a hard-tail had taken a nasty stack and was in a bad way but help was at hand. The most enetrtaing part was the final descent which contained a group of girls screaming abuse/enthusiasm. My mind wandered - Me, the 13th Duke of Fanylion. Here at a 24hr event. With my reputation. Are they mad? 1 - 2 -3 and your back…. in the Motor home. Thank god for that!
I think Dirty Sanchez Shortbread did his sixth lap testing out some Hope lights I had loaned (they were crap btw Pete, ask Shortbread!) and final lap but no more laps for me and Techno (who did 3 and I did 4!) instead, the whisky came out but we soon hit the sack after the previous night’s shenanigans.
Sunday.
Sundays are normally days when you ride your bike but not today. We need to pack up, clean the Fanywaggon and head south. A mammoth task cleaning up but was helped by the salty porridge ™ dished up by Team Bit*h and then a “Farmer Barley mow” tow off the site with Team Bit*h at the wheel, a full tank of diesel was consumed by the wagon as is returned to safely of its owners. If only they could have seen the state, it was in the day before! Good job we didn’t use the toilet after all the consuming of curry, chocolate brownies and porridge we did. Nope, we saved that for Shortbreads.
Arriving back in Glasgow the only thing to do was drink yet more whisky, use Shortbreads toilet and get bloated on a banquet in one of Glasgow’s notorious curry houses and so to bed.
As we say our goodbyes on a wet, cold, Glasgow, Monday morning, I don’t think we will ever be entering the Puffer again. It is such a tough event depending on weather and determination to get out when it’s cold. Ok, we have all done tougher events, ridden more miles and endured much more pain but I doubt we will be doing it again. We have discussed it and have said no. But that was sat in a motor home in the depths of winter. Ask us when its summer and then maybe, just maybe we may return. All we need is a few bottles of whisky. Watch this space.
Results.
Shortbread 6 laps + fastest lap.
Starkey 4 laps.
Techno 3 laps.
TTK (Team Bit*h) fastest porridge maker, 0 laps.
Team Starkey (the fastest Bear)
*He was actually the organiser of the event!
Riders present
Shortbread
Techno
Starkey
TTK
Enjoyment level
Ding, dang doooo!