Dalbeattie and Glentress

April 26, 2003, Scotland

The second full Team outing of 2003, this time our much awaited return to Scotland.

After suffering with a very heavy cold for the previous 2 weeks I was feeling very unfit and Shack, gazelle-like after 3 weeks of hard pre-season training was nipping at my heels, keen to shake off his Alpha Male status and challenge for the mantle of Dominant Male. Coupled with the fact that he had brand new Fox Vanilla forks fitted to his bike, Shack was looking formidable and I was distinctly worried.

This would be the weekend that Team Starkey received his official Team Contract. Having seen Team Starkey carry his bike down steep descents and push it up climbs, the Team agreed enough was enough, and a formal Contract should be drawn up in an attempt to force Team Starkey into trying harder and improving his skills.

Having arranged to meet at Lancaster services at 10am, it was obvious to see that everyone was excited about the trip. When I rang Team Starkey at 8.30am to say we were setting off Sheldon replied that he was already at the services, an hour and a half early! Now that’s what I call keen.

For the first time in his life Team Cliff Diver was bang on time, and after we presented Team Starkey with his contract at an official ceremony, we convoyed on to Scotland for our rendezvous with the legendary John Henry. After meeting Big John in a garden centre café populated by the aged and infirm of Dumfries (awesome food though: I couldn’t resist the temptation of a quick pre-ride steak & kidney pie, new potatoes, broccoli, cauliflower, swede and gravy) we drove to our first port of call, Dalbeattie Forest.

Dalbeattie is still evolving, with many new trails and as yet, no signposting, therefore we were grateful to John for guiding us. Signs will be erected soon, along with a café/visitor’s centre/shop type building.

We set off around the trails, which were made up of technical singletrack sections linked by fire road or man-made stone pathways, all fairly standard stuff, nothing too taxing or exciting. Then we arrived at an opening on the hillside and there was a choice of routes: along a track that followed the contours, or over the edge and into space. Holy Shit!!

We had arrived at The Qualifier, a very steep but short, man-made rock drop about 10-15feet high that led to Slab, the meanest, ugliest, steepest mutha funka of a lump of granite I have ever seen. The idea behind the qualifier was to soften you up ready for Slab and that if you were too scared to ride the first drop you wouldn’t risk Slab (and risk breaking your stupid neck). I took a peek over the edge of the first drop and knew I could ride it, it was just a matter of letting the bike roll over the edge, then you were in free fall and nothing could go wrong. However, getting over that lip was the hard part. After bottling it once (with everyone else around telling me not to do it and that I was about to die) I took a longer run up and rolled over the edge and through it, unscathed. Arriving at the top of Slab I looked over the edge and saw diagonal grooves weathered out of the rock face that were very scary and putting me off riding down. Despite the fact I could see tyre skid marks on the rock surface (tyres or body marks?) I was not too keen to ride down: it was just too steep. The fact that the near vertical rock face met the ground at almost 90 degrees was just too much to contemplate, and I bottled it, though no-one else had followed me over The Qualifier and I had made a bold statement to the Alpha Male. As we re-grouped at the fire road Shack told me that in light of me riding The Qualifier he had rescinded his challenge for now but would be mounting another in the future. Bring it on Flossy! (Next time we come to Dalbeattie I am bringing body armour and will ride the Slab, oh yes…)

Shack reported that Team Ewok had been on the verge of having a go at The Qualifier, which had scared Shack. “If Ewok had ridden it then that would have been that: I would have had to ride it too. I’m glad he didn’t though”. Peer pressure is a wonderful thing. (I wonder if Ewok and Shack had ridden it, maybe Cliff Diver would have too? And then maybe everyone would have, including the new, reformed, contracted Team Starkey…?)

We were now starting to see more and more of the granite rock that Dalbeattie is famous for. This stuff is like fine quartz, and gives you tremendous grip due to its very rough surface. I would not like to fall off on it though, as it would rip straight through your jacket, gloves, skin and bones too probably. Makes for mad trail obstacles though, as we rode along narrow strips of granite, over huge outcrops of the stuff (one section named Moby Dick as it resembled a whales back).

We meandered around the forest, riding some fun little sections and had a great time, John showing us various sections, some of which won’t be on the eventual way-marked routes: no substitute for a bit of local knowledge.

Biggest off of the day from Team Ewok, keen to keep his 100% record of falling off on every ride. We had just ridden down The Widow Maker, a semi-technical singletrack drop littered with loose rocks that ran through gnarly, twisty roots in the trees, then steepened and spat you out off a root ledge onto a flat track. The root ledge was jumpable with speed, and as Ewok came down the descent I shouted at him to jump. Somehow out of the corner of his eye Ewok spotted another, much bigger, man-made jump which he thought I was referring to, and headed for that. I watched in total amazement as Ewok hit the jump (not going quite fast enough for this monster) and pulled his front wheel up. His wheel came up nicely, but as he was going too slowly it started to drop back down before his back wheel had even left the jump: result? You guessed it: Ewok goes over the bars like a sack of shit. Awesome.

Team Starkey appeared to be having a rough time of it with his injured ankle, walking, pushing and carrying even more than usual, worried that even a small off could hurt his tender ankle. Shel was not enjoying himself.

The weather was very changeable during the ride, occasionally raining, occasionally sunny, and all the time a strong wind ensured the weather was never the same for long.

Other highlights of the ride were ‘Son & Daughter of Slab’, two more granite drops that were shorter but steeper than their Dad, and no-one rode them. We should be renamed Team Fannies, or Team FanyPussies or something... (they were steep though, honest). Also worth a mention were the sections with rock slabs laid out in a rock & roll type scenario. Very tricky and fun to ride.

Having completed the full 17mile circuit of the forest we returned to the cars, hosed the bikes down and packed up, ready to hit Dumfries for beer and meat. Our night out in Dalbeattie was superb. With Big John to guide us to the best pubs, bars and eating houses we had a great time. Women melted in front of us as we informed them we were Team FanyLion, the famous Pro Mountainbike Team. I was on top form, pulling Scottish Beauties left right and centre, though at one point I vaguely remember Shack whispering to me “Hodgson, you are pissed, and getting more pissed. Your standards are getting lower the more pissed you get: you are chatting up some right horrors, stop it.” Ho hum. And I thought they were all stunners. Goddam Vodka Red Bull goggles.

Quote of the weekend came from Team Ewok, when, as Sheldon declared far too early into the evening that he was retiring to bed, Dean piped up “Sheldon, you’ve ridden up hills, you’ve ridden down descents, you’ve drunk loads of beer….actually, no you haven’t. Go on, f**k off home!” Bloody hilarious.

Those of us who stayed out latest left the pub at about 12.45, leaving Big John drinking whisky with his friends (who had very kindly bought us a round) till 3am. What an animal.

I awoke next day with a hangover the size of a small family car, feeling very fragile, though after a great breakfast I felt much better and was keen to get over to Glentress. Ewok and Shack were not as keen and were feeling rougher than me, but after some shouting, prodding and cajoling we were on our way.

Glentress blew my head off yet again. The Hub, with food, bike parts and workshop is amazing. Problems with an odd split link on my chain were sorted by the very helpful bike mechanic (though Tracy Brunger didn’t look too happy that I was taking up workshop space: sorry), and we were soon on our way, intending to do the red route, having done the black route last time we were here.

Disaster struck as we climbed up the first big fire road, Team Starkey was lagging a long way back. He eventually caught us up and said he was turning back, his ankle too painful to continue. We were reduced to 4.

Our aims for the red route were soon scuppered though as there was an organised race meet on, using part of the red route. Diversions were in place but we soon managed to get lost and followed a route that looked like it had hardly ever been used. This route soon turned out to be one of the best we had ever ridden though, as the trail narrowed and dropped down very steeply through the trees, the track surface becoming wet and greasy, with lots of roots and a rich topping of goo and clayey mud. Disc brakes heated up and pumped up and as we popped out at the foot of the hillside we sprayed water from our Camelbaks onto our discs and saw it satisfyingly turn to steam.

We now realised where we were and saw the black route ahead and decided to follow that instead of trying to follow the diverted red route.

The remainder of the black route was better than I had remembered it being last year. The fast descent over the wooden bridges was stupendous, with Shack giving his new forks a real work out. We overtook 2 other poor lads, scaring them to death as we ripped past, screaming and shouting in the usual manner.

The weather was almost tropical, with heavy showers interspersed with bright, hot sunshine, and we had our jackets on and off with regularity.

The steep descent named Jake the Snake had been damaged by the sheer amount of traffic over the last 6months and was now steeper and looser than previously: a real ring twitcher. Wicked! The North Shore section was as intimidating as ever, and we didn’t stop to try any of the difficult sections, just by-passed them and blasted on. We really should take time out one day, but the lure of the trail entices us on (and the size of the log contraptions fills us with fear).

After completing a few more evil, unexpected little climbs we made the descent back to the car park, Shack audibly questioning my sexuality as he shot past me out of control on the final drop to the fire road, with Cliff Diver and Ewok bringing up the rear. And that was that: another great weekend’s riding over with. Team Starkey was waiting for us back at the car, gutted to have missed out on riding Glentress this time, but vowing to return a better, more fearless rider when his ankle heals.

Team Shack had failed to take over the title of Dominant Male, and had been sent packing, tail between his legs, status as Alpha Male retained. Shack also liked his new Fox forks, but thought the 18 inches of headset spacers were a bit high for his liking.

Team Cliff Diver was looking fresh at the end of the ride despite not having thrown a leg over his bike since the previous trip to Scotland 6 months earlier. Dan is looking forward to the next tip. Team Ewok had hurled himself around the trails again, proving that what he lacks in silky bike handling skills he more than makes up for in sheer balls. And I had defended my title of Dominant Male, conquered The Qualifier at Dalbeattie, and managed to organise yet another weekend for Team FanyLion, making me more than happy.

Massive Respect to you all, and a big FanyLion Thank You to John Henry: your Team FanyLion T-shirt is in the post! Team Hodgson, out.

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Official site of the Fanylion Mountain Bike Team. Includes mountain bike ride guides, gear reviews, bike maintenance, team reports and rider profiles of the Fanylion Racing Team.

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Dalbeattie and Glentress

April 26, 2003, Scotland

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